well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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