This girl is more easily done than said...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
