What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
whose ass print is on the piano?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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