Sponge bath it is.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize