Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
