youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
