Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
what day is it and did you see me today?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
