Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
