I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
