I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
