i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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