Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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