I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
