hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
