i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
