ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
