Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
