I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
