i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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