i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My dick has a subreddit
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
