I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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