You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
