Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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