you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In other news, I just burned my penis
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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