my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it hurts more in the daytime
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
