Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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