I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
