I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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