I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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