My liver just broke up with me...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
