i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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