So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
