are you still at the devil's house?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
