ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I want her autograph on my taint
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
