hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You dont lie about slip and slides
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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