New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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