opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
