just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize