Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
