He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
