Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
