Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
