my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize