I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
