You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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