she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
