He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
