I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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