I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
