She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
