Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
