South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
