Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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