So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
