but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it hurts more in the daytime
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
