Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
