i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
