can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
