I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You made out with two different species that night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
