shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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