so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
