So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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