party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your penis caused this!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
