Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
