hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize