Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Boobs are out for the taking
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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