I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
