i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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