if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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