I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
