I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
