So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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