You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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