this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
