you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
