Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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