I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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